About Sarah

My name is Sarah and I suffer from dyspareunia and provoked vestibulodynia (painful sex and pain in my genitals). I spent many years trying to find a correct diagnosis and then through the slow healing process. My goal with this website is to share about my journey so that others suffering from sexual and pelvic pain can find hope and help sooner. No matter where you are in your journey there is always hope…when sex hurts there is hope!

Mind-Body-Spirit connections: spirit and body

The most recent mind-body-spirit connection I have discovered in my own life is one between my spirit and body.  It is so recent that I am far from understanding all that is happening.  But even as I’m only experiencing the beginnings of this connection, it’s impact on me is by far the most profound.  I believe you can grow significantly in your healing journey as you understand and appreciate your mind and body as separate and distinct aspects of your being.  When you acknowledge the connection between these two parts and harness their powerful influences on each other, you can heal on a new level.  But there is an even greater level of healing within our reach—one that connects us to Spirit.*body-spirit - when sex hurts there is hope

I previously shared some examples of a spirit-mind connection such as a peace that goes beyond an understanding of your circumstances.  The peace I experienced in my soul was as real to me as the pain of a broken heart.  However, I acknowledge that an internal peace, or really any connection between spirit and mind, is difficult for others to see evidence of.  We can’t read each other’s thoughts and most of us can’t discern another’s spiritual state.  The body-spirit connection, however, can provide visible validation of the healing taking place.

My first experiences of a healing connection between my body and spirit were during holistic bodywork sessions with Mary Ruth Velicki (you can check out the footnote on my previous post for more information).  One experience came during a session which started when a familiar bible verse popped into my head: “Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever” (Psalm 23:6 KJV).  After it replayed a couple times in my mind it occurred to me to share this aloud.  Mary Ruth responded, explaining how God’s presence is with us always.  As she started this explanation I felt a tingling sensation in my body and a flood of emotion that felt like a wave rushing from my head to my toes.  Immediately afterwards I could feel a significant tension release in my right hip, which was where she had her hand during this body-spirit experience.  Aside from this immediate effect I also noticed lasting postural changes after sessions.  Instead of walking with most of my weight bearing on the balls of my feet as I had for many years, I started walking more grounded into my heels.

This body-spirit connection has also manifested as myofascial unwinding.  I could probably do a whole series explaining myofascial release through unwinding, but here is a brief description.  The “myo” means muscle and “fascial” is pertaining to the fascia or connective tissue that surrounds every muscle, bone, ligament, and organ in our bodies.  Unwinding is a form of releasing restrictions in the muscles and fascia through involuntary movements of the body.  John F. Barnes is considered a leading authority in the current practice of myofascial release if you want to learn more on his website, myofascialrelease.com.  I have not personally taken any of his courses, but I know some physical therapists who have found them very beneficial.

My first unwinding experience came on my own during a yoga class.  There was nothing mystical about the class, but yoga is one of the few times that I calm the busy thoughts in mind enough to focus on my body and spirit.  It began when I was in child’s pose with my forehead resting on the mat.  My head slowly started turning to the side completely on its own.  My mind was not telling my head to move, but it kept moving—slowly looking to the left then to the right, and continuing this gentle back and forth motion.  I admit I was a little freaked out in the moment.  Thankfully, I knew what unwinding was because I had read about Mary Ruth’s own unwinding experiences in her book, Healing Through Chronic Pain.  This knowledge allowed me to experience the moment freely without feeling a need to stop it from flowing.

You may be wondering how some random head movement can have a healing impact on pelvic pain.  This is where I am still learning about the “how” of a body-spirit connection.  But, what I can tell you is that I noticed a change in my posture that same night which allowed me to lay on my back without the usual increase in pelvic pain.  Normally the curve in my low back is so pronounced that it causes a painful pressure point which exacerbates my pelvic pain and forces me to sleep on my side rather than my back.  Somehow that slight unwinding movement in my head and neck had released tension in my spine to improve my posture in a noticeable way.

I have experienced much more myofascial unwinding and healing through this body-spirit connection.  The physical changes that have come from my own body-spirit healing process are evident from increased muscle tone to improved flexibility and correction of my lordosis (swayback) to the point where I am actually taller than I used to be (seriously!).  I believe the healing I am experiencing through a free-flowing mind-body-spirit connection is just beginning and I believe it is possible for you too.  Your journey may look different from mine, but I hope that it too will lead you to experience and appreciate your own mind-body-spirit connection.  It is not a process that can be rushed, and it is only possible if you are open to receiving it.  My hope is that you will be open to receive!

*The only lens I am able to share from is that of my own beliefs and experiences.  You are free to receive this information through your own lens, but the Spirit that I have described here is the Holy Spirit.  There are a number of verses in the Bible that describe the Holy Spirit, but here are a few for quick reference:  John 14:26, Genesis 1:2, John 3:8, Acts 2:1-4, I Corinthians 12:7-11.

Mind-Body-Spirit connections: spirit and mind

As I continue this series about the mind-body-spirit connection, my hope is that you will be able to open your awareness to your own body and spirit connections.  I think for most people this is a foreign concept and requires an entirely new way of thinking.  For me this new perspective took time to form and began first by recognizing the evidence that already existed in my own experiences.

spirit connection - when sex hurts there is hopeMind and body are aspects of ourselves that are easy to identify.  We all think and process things in our minds, and we all have physical bodies.  However, the idea that we are also spiritual beings can be harder to grasp.  By growing up in a Christian home and progressing in my own faith journey I have always known that I have a soul or spirit.  But knowing in my mind that I am spirit and experiencing and connecting with this spiritual aspect of myself are two very different things.  Your background is likely different from mine and you may still be unsure about the concept of spirit.  As I share some of my personal experiences, perhaps you can evaluate your own moments to identify if a spirit connection has surfaced in the past. Continue reading

Mind-Body-Spirit connections: body and mind

Last month I wrote about the mind-body connection. How our thoughts and emotions can have a very real physical impact and how our bodies communicate with us through physical ailments such as chronic pelvic pain. Fortunately our bodies can also communicate with our minds in more subtle ways. However, most of us don’t actually take the time or know how to listen. This has certainly been true for most of my life and, honestly, is still true for me most days. Taking time to be still without any distractions is a direct contradiction to the culture around us. Yet there is a treasure waiting for us when we do, and we don’t have to look any further than within ourselves.

mind-body - when sex hurts there is hopeAs I progress down my own healing journey I am slowly learning how to listen to my body. Continue reading

Mind-Body-Spirit connections: mind and body

I shared last month that the more recent years in my healing journey have been about exploring the mind-body-spirit connections.  The first of these connections that I started to recognize in myself is that of mind and body.  This started first by acknowledging that my body is not just a machine with my mind at the controls.  My body is a separate part of me.  It works in connection with my mind (and spirit), but it can respond to thoughts in a myriad of ways. It can also communicate quite directly to my consciousness, if I will only listen to it.

mind-body - when sex hurts there is hopeThis is not to say that addressing the “mechanics” of my body is not an important aspect of healing. I have specific physical injuries that need physical treatment.  The hypertonic muscles of my pelvic floor required physical therapy to heal.  Just as the atrophied and enflamed tissues of my vestibule required hormone treatment to recover.  For some people, these physical treatments are enough to bring them back to good health.  But for me, my physical pains are connected to more than just their physical triggers.  I have been going to physical therapy for seven years now and, while I acknowledge there are more “mechanical” aspects to healing from chronic pain, I believe full healing will only come when I address the broken connections between my mind, body and spirit. Continue reading

Mind-Body-Spirit connections: a preview

mind-body-spirit - when sex hurts there is hopeAs I walk through my healing journey I have found that I never stop learning and discovering. In recent years, much of my learning has been around the idea of a mind-body-spirit connection.  I am learning that I am mind, body, and spirit (or soul) and each is distinct yet entirely one at the same time.  All three aspects of myself can connect and communicate uniquely with each other.

This concept has been more than a little difficult to understand as I am a very logical, mind-based individual.  But, as I am opening up to these ideas I find that I am healing on new levels.  Continue reading

Feminine characteristics

feminine characteristic - when sex hurts there is hopeI recently had the opportunity to attend a yoga for pelvic health retreat which was absolutely amazing!  (They have another one planned for October near Boston…you should check it out!)  The women I met there made such an impact on me that I want to introduce all of them to you.  Maybe I will eventually be able to convince them to share their own unique stories on this blog.  In the meantime I would like to introduce them through the most impactful feminine characteristic they embodied during my time with them. Continue reading

May is Pelvic Pain Awareness Month!

Did you know that May is Pelvic Pain Awareness Month?  I didn’t know either until I saw the International Pelvic Pain Society‘s post on social media.  Despite how busy we all are, let’s take a moment this month to help spread awareness about this very real suffering.  I would like to challenge you to do this in your own way.  Perhaps that is a simple re-tweet of the International Pelvic Pain Society’s awareness message (@IntPelvicPain) or sharing the image below on Facebook.  Or, maybe it is sitting down with a new friend and sharing your own story.  You may be surprised to find out who else is struggling with pelvic pain.  Whatever you choose, I would love to hear about it!  Please post a comment to share (and you can use an alias if you prefer to remain anonymous).  And as you spread awareness, be sure the message is clear that when sex hurts there is hope!

pelvic pain awareness - when sex hurts there is hope