YatraYoni spreads some hope

Posted on January 25, 2015 by Sarah

One of my favorite pelvic pain bloggers, Faith Cornwall of YatraYoni.com, recently featured a post from this blog. Simply having her feature one of my posts was a great compliment, but the tribute she gave to the When Sex Hurts There Is Hope site was amazing and I couldn’t help but share it with you. Here is an excerpt from her post…

I appreciate how Sarah recognizes that the effects of sexual pain are not only physical but also mental, emotional and spiritual, and therefore healing must address all four factors as well. She generously shares the lessons she has learned, validating the struggle while avoiding despair (which is probably why I am so happy with this site – that is exactly what I wish to provide to my readers as well.)

The site is well-named, hope abounds there.

I recommend you check out the entire post here as well as the rest of the site. You can always click on the link on the sidebar under fellow bloggers, or sign up on YatraYoni.com to receive her blog posts directly in your inbox like I do.

A year of gratitude

Posted on January 4, 2015 by Sarah

I should probably begin by explaining what 2014 was for me. When everyone was preparing to ring in the New Year at the end of 2013, I was reflecting on all that had happened and what a shift in my life had occurred in just one short year. I think the 13 in 2013 was rather appropriate considering it held some of the worst moments of my life. And with the end of my marriage also came an end to my life’s plans and expectations as I had once held them. No more did I see a future centered around a marriage and kids. So what did I now see? Instead of making a list of resolutions for the New Year I knelt down beside my bed at the stroke of midnight and prayed that 2014 would be a year full of new beginnings.

1 John 5:14 says “…if we ask anything in His name He hears us.” Well God certainly heard me and filled my year with a multitude of new beginnings. Continue reading →

Interview with Sex Therapist Dr. Rose Hartzell (Part 3)

Posted on December 28, 2014 by Sarah

Finally, the rest of the amazing feedback from Dr. Rose Hartzell, PhD, EdS, CHES, LMFT, Sex Therapist at San Diego Sexual Medicine. Here is part 3 of my interview with this remarkable woman.

10. The message of my blog is that when sex hurts there is hope. Do you think that is true, and if so, in what way?

Oh my gosh, yes, because I‘ve seen so many people who had pain and then did not have pain. Or who have pain but ended up living the life they want, whatever that might be. Having pain doesn’t have to mean the end of the world or even that you’ll never have a good sexual relationship. I just had a couple the other day that the woman said “I can’t imagine ever having a normal healthy sex life,” but you can, I’ve seen it.

11. Many sufferers of sexual pain go years without finding help for their suffering. As a community of patients and practitioners, how do you think we can reach those suffering from painful sex to find hope and help sooner?

I agree with everything you just said and sometimes I see people who for 20 years they’ve had pain and never saw hope. Continue reading →

Overflow with hope

Posted on August 24, 2014 by Sarah

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)*

hope - when sex hurts there is hope This is my favorite verse and has become somewhat of a theme verse for my life over this past year or so. God brought it to me during the most difficult time of my marriage, just as it was falling apart. I have recited it to myself more times than I can count, and shared it with many others. I remember having lunch with a close friend, filling her in on some of what had been going on in my life. As I told her about the hurt and hardships, unsure about the fate of my marriage, I also had to tell her about the amazing things God had been doing to remind me that I was in His care. When I shared the verse with her, she told me that while listening to me tell my story, she couldn’t find any better description—that I was overflowing with hope.

Overflowing with hope doesn’t necessarily mean you have all the answers. In fact, I would argue that having hope by definition requires that you don’t have all the answers—you can’t hope for something that you already have or already know to be true. Continue reading →

Don’t just suffer through it

Posted on August 3, 2014 by Sarah

For those of you who are dealing with painful sex, I beg you, please don’t just suffer through it! As I retell my story and relive those earlier years of pain I am dumbfounded at how I just suffered through it for so long. I know now that I actually made things worse by allowing the pain to continue unabated (with hypertonic pelvic floor muscle disorder, the more trauma there is to the muscles the tighter they become and the longer the healing process takes). More than that, I think about how much time was wasted and the emotional damage of suffering for so long.

At first I just dealt with it because I wasn’t really sure what was wrong, or if there really was something wrong at all. If you are having any similar types of doubts, let me make it very clear—sex is not supposed to hurt! Continue reading →

Picking up the broken pieces (this is my story…part 7)

Posted on July 27, 2014 by Sarah

The difference is truly night and day from where I started, but I am still not normal. It takes effort and extra care, but a healthy sex life is possible. I continue to see my physical therapist once a month and do as much as I can on my own to keep my muscles healthy. Pain-free sex does not come easily. Even though I have found the right diagnoses and gone through years of treatment towards healing, sex can still cause much pain. This brings me to the last and most important piece to finding healing when sex hurts—a spouse that is loving, supportive, flexible, understanding, patient, and so many other things.

Unfortunately for me, this last piece was too broken to put back together. By our six year anniversary it became clear that the road to healing had been too long and too hard, and too damaging to our relationship. A period of hurt and heartache came next, ultimately ending in divorce.*

But there is hope…

I can honestly say that I am a transformed person. This has been quite a journey and I have learned so much throughout it. God has been with me every step of the way—seeing me through the struggles, the hopelessness, the heartache, and the healing. Although I can’t say I would ever choose to deal with the realities that come when sex hurts, I can see all of the good in my life because of it. My journey is not over and I know there is still more healing to come. But, I want to take this time now to share with all of you—lessons I have learned, experiences I have had, struggles I have overcome, and the amazing truth that when sex hurts there is hope!

*The psychological pain of a broken heart and a failed marriage is a completely different type of pain which also has far-reaching effects on every aspect of your life. Likewise, the healing process takes time and effort. I will share more in later posts about the importance of having a strong relationship with God, supportive friends and family, and a therapist you can trust.

An introduction

Posted on April 1, 2014 by Sarah

When sex hurts, there is hope.

That is not a statement that would come to mind for most people, but it means so much to me. I suffer from dyspareunia and provoked vestibulodynia. For those of you who don’t speak in medical jargon, that means I suffer from painful sex and pain in my genitals. At an earlier point in my journey, even the slightest touch from the soft end of a cotton swab could bring me to tears.

Stone on a beach in Santa Barbara

But there is hope. It took me three years of going doctor to doctor, trying treatment after treatment, all the while suffering from extreme pain, before finding an accurate diagnosis. After three more years of physical therapy, medications, more doctors and further diagnoses, I am in a much better place. I still have pain, but the frequency and severity are drastically reduced from where I was, and I know there is more healing to come.

It has been a journey. There have been a lot of difficulties, but I have learned so much in the process. One thing I have learned is that I am not alone in my adversities. Women, and even men, across the country and the world experience this very intimate suffering. The resources available online have increased exponentially since I was first searching for a diagnosis, and I want to join the cause to reach as many people as possible so they can find help and healing sooner. There is no need to suffer alone or to feel hopeless. My desire is that this blog will help you know that when sex hurts there is hope!

When Sex Hurts There Is Hope

Sharing my journey to provide hope for others

Tag Archives: hope