Female anatomy: the basics (external)

Posted on October 5, 2014 by Sarah

It is my desire that this blog reach those experiencing pelvic and sexual pain who are still searching for hope and healing. An important part of that is sharing information that is useful and understandable. I have learned a lot about myself and my body throughout my journey (though I still have a lot to learn), and sometimes I forget what is not so common knowledge. Thus, I want to stop and explain a few things that you may or may not already be familiar with. Hopefully this will help you gain a better understanding of your own body and also better understand some of my of my other blog posts where I may not take the time to fully explain specific terms. Continue reading →

Share your struggles (part 1)

Posted on September 28, 2014 by Sarah

Something I have learned through my journey with painful sex is how important it is to share your struggles. Hiding your troubles or trying to handle them all on your own creates a burden that you are not able to carry. I know from personal experience because this is what I did throughout most of my journey. Even my closest friends and family didn’t realize the extent of my pelvic pain, the difficulties of my search for a diagnosis and healing, or how broken my marriage was.

I think a lot of why I didn’t share was rooted in pride, at least when it came to my marriage issues. I have always taken pride in my sound decision-making. I typically put a lot of thought into things and never make rash decisions. This prudence is a part of my identity—as is my independence and ability to handle things on my own. So admitting that my marriage was struggling so much was like admitting that I hadn’t made a good decision and I couldn’t handle it myself. Continue reading →

We are what he has made us

Posted on September 21, 2014 by Sarah

For we are what he has made us, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand to be our way of life. Ephesians 2:10 (NRSV)

This verse has a lot that we can apply to our lives such as doing good works and the way of life Christ followers should live. But what has personally spoken into my life is the first line—we are what he has made us. If you suffer from painful sex or any kind of pelvic pain, it can be easy to fall into negative thoughts. What is wrong with me? Did God mess up when he created me? Did I do something wrong along the way to end up here? Why me? Why did it have to be this way? Continue reading →

Have higher expectations

Posted on September 14, 2014 by Sarah

In life and relationships we will often receive advice to temper our expectations of others. We hear things like “give them the benefit of the doubt”, “nobody’s perfect” and “be reasonable.” While that advice is all well and good and often important to keep in mind, there is also a danger to that way of thinking. We run the risk of lowering our expectations too much and settling for a life or a relationship that is not fair to ourselves as individuals. Continue reading →

Hypertonic what?

Posted on September 7, 2014 by Sarah

I have mentioned in previous posts that I have something called hypertonic pelvic floor muscle dysfunction. That is kind of a long and complicated name, so I want to take a moment to explain what it actually means. I ask for some grace from any physical therapists or doctors out there who are reading this as I may not be perfectly accurate in some aspects of my definition. And, I encourage those of you who do not yet have an accurate diagnosis to do some additional research from a more medically based source (and Wikipedia doesn’t count). However, this should provide you with a good introduction based on my personal understanding and experience with hypertonic pelvic floor muscle dysfunction. Continue reading →

Don’t give up

Posted on August 31, 2014 by Sarah

If you are still searching for a correct diagnosis, or waiting for treatments to work their healing effects, I want to encourage you to keep searching and keep working. I know how discouraging it is to go from doctor to doctor trying to find out what is causing painful sex. I went three years, through six different doctors and multiple tests and treatments before finally getting a correct diagnosis of hypertonic pelvic floor muscle dysfunction. Then, after two years of physical therapy I went through a couple more doctors to address the pain issues stemming from unbalanced hormones. During that first searching process I actually did give up at one point. But, the pain kept coming so I had to keep going.

It takes courage to not give up when doctor after doctor tells you they don’t know what is wrong. Draw that courage from wherever you can. Maybe it is from the countless others who have dealt with and overcome similar pain issues.* Or perhaps by connecting with those who have overcome other types of obstacles. Maybe you can draw courage from your spouse and the hope of what can be on the other side of healing. For me, I was able to draw courage from my faith. Knowing that God was with me helped give me courage to keep trying. Continue reading →

Overflow with hope

Posted on August 24, 2014 by Sarah

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13 (NIV)*

hope - when sex hurts there is hope This is my favorite verse and has become somewhat of a theme verse for my life over this past year or so. God brought it to me during the most difficult time of my marriage, just as it was falling apart. I have recited it to myself more times than I can count, and shared it with many others. I remember having lunch with a close friend, filling her in on some of what had been going on in my life. As I told her about the hurt and hardships, unsure about the fate of my marriage, I also had to tell her about the amazing things God had been doing to remind me that I was in His care. When I shared the verse with her, she told me that while listening to me tell my story, she couldn’t find any better description—that I was overflowing with hope.

Overflowing with hope doesn’t necessarily mean you have all the answers. In fact, I would argue that having hope by definition requires that you don’t have all the answers—you can’t hope for something that you already have or already know to be true. Continue reading →

When Sex Hurts There Is Hope

Sharing my journey to provide hope for others

Category Archives: Lessons Learned