About Sarah

My name is Sarah and I suffer from dyspareunia and provoked vestibulodynia (painful sex and pain in my genitals). I spent many years trying to find a correct diagnosis and then through the slow healing process. My goal with this website is to share about my journey so that others suffering from sexual and pelvic pain can find hope and help sooner. No matter where you are in your journey there is always hope…when sex hurts there is hope!

Being comfortable with your doctor

Posted on December 7, 2014 by Sarah

I have learned just how important it is to be comfortable with your doctor. I think we all want to have a doctor that we are comfortable with, but we often don’t put it high enough on our requirements list. We focus on their knowledge and experience, maybe the convenience of their office location and whether or not they accept our health insurance. While all of those are important considerations, I believe that being able to connect personally with your doctor is just as important. I’m not saying you need to be best friends or go out for coffee after your appointment. What I am saying is your doctor needs to listen to you, and you need to feel heard when you speak to him or her. Your doctor needs to be able to empathize with you and not discount your feelings or jump to a diagnosis without fully exploring your experiences. Your doctor should never make you feel stupid, ashamed, or uncomfortable in any way.

Being comfortable with your doctor is especially important when dealing with something as personal as sexual pain. I may be worse than most, but I think all of us have some degree of discomfort in discussing intimate topics. We keep them guarded and typically discuss only with those we trust—that is precisely why they are called intimate! Thus you need to feel comfortable to be able to explain all of the details of your pain, including exactly where it hurts and when Continue reading →

All things, even the bad things

Posted on November 30, 2014 by Sarah

We know that all things work together for good for those who love God, who are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28 (NRSV)

We have all heard it, we’ve probably all said it (I know I have)—everything happens for a reason. And while I do believe that many things in our lives happen for a reason, this statement in its entirety is not actually true. Bad things happen, sometimes for no reason at all. I suffer from pelvic pain and painful sex, and I am still healing from the emotional devastation of a divorce, but it doesn’t mean there was a reason that these bad things happened to me.

Everything may not happen for a reason, but God does make all things work together for good. Even the bad things.

Pelvic and sexual pain definitely fall into my “bad things” category. Living with any type of pain, especially chronic pain, can be debilitating. But pelvic pain has the ability to go beyond any other kind in its effects on your life. It is a pain that you hide, that others can’t understand. The emotional pain goes deep and the psychological damage is not easily repaired. Painful sex not only causes broken relationships, but broken individuals—broken to the core of who we are. I have been broken, I have felt the pain of hopelessness and emptiness. In all honesty it was the emotional pain that came at the end of my marriage—loaded down with years of carrying the burden of my sexual pain—that hurt the worst. Continue reading →

Child’s pose and happy baby are for adults too

Posted on November 23, 2014 by Sarah

Don’t be fooled by the names of these yoga poses—child’s pose and happy baby are great for all ages. I previously shared how beneficial I believe yoga to be for those with pelvic pain (Go with the yoga flow). Now I want to share my two favorite poses for hypertonic pelvic floor dysfunction: child’s pose and a modified version of happy baby. Both of these poses were recommended by my physical therapist and incorporated into my home therapy long before I ever attended a yoga class. If you have not yet discovered these poses, I hope that you can incorporate them into your own healing practice as well.

Child’s pose and modified happy baby are my go-to poses for when I have flare ups of pelvic pain and muscle spasms, and I think you’ll see why. Continue reading →

God at the center

Posted on November 16, 2014 by Sarah

I truly believe that the number one factor in a successful marriage is keeping God at the center of it. I have met some amazing couples who have been through their share of life’s struggles and yet have the strongest connection to each other, a passionate love that you can see in every interaction. And they will tell you how it hasn’t always been easy, how they never could have done it on their own. They will tell you of times that they wanted to give up and times that it was just too difficult for them. Then they will tell you how God at the center is what made all the difference, giving them the courage and strength they needed to overcome. Continue reading →

Get a second opinion

Posted on November 9, 2014 by Sarah

Navigating the healing process of something as complex as sexual pain can be extremely difficult and often overwhelming. One of my biggest pet peeves when it comes to painful sex is how the number one word of advice you will find online is simply to talk to your doctor. On the surface that seems like perfectly good advice, but what happens when your doctor doesn’t know what to do? Or worse, what happens when your doctor tells you there isn’t anything wrong, implying that it is all in your head? My response, get a second opinion—or third or fourth or fifth, as the case may be. Continue reading →

Share your struggles (part 2)

Posted on November 2, 2014 by Sarah

I described in an earlier post about how important it is to share your struggles. I made the mistake of not sharing my struggles at the beginning of my pain journey and instead kept the physical and emotional brokenness inside. This resulted in me carrying a weight that was too much to bear, and left me disconnected from those around me. Fortunately, I learned from this mistake by the time I was faced with something even bigger than painful sex. I was able to share my struggles with friends and family who supported me through the most difficult time in my life.

When my marriage started crumbling around me I made a decision to reach out in honesty and authenticity to those closest to me. I didn’t hold anything back—I didn’t try to hide the full extent of the pain or downplay the effects it was having on me. I was blessed to have people who cared enough about me to listen and share in my suffering. Continue reading →

Go with the yoga flow

Posted on October 26, 2014 by Sarah

I believe that yoga is good for everyone but great for those with hypertonic pelvic floor muscle dysfunction, a common cause of pelvic pain.

My physical therapist recommended yoga to me many years ago, but it took me a while to finally try it out. Eventually I found a cute little yoga studio near my house and went to their level zero class (yes, I said level zero and I’m not ashamed). I have been practicing at least once a week for over three years and have seen great results. I was never a very flexible person and when I first started I couldn’t even touch my toes. My balance was so bad that I had to lean on a wall to steady myself just to put a sock on, and we won’t even go into how weak my muscles were. Today I can reach beyond my toes to plant my palms firmly on the floor, I can hold tree pose with the best of them, and my friends like to joke about being jealous of my ‘yoga arms’.* Even more amazing, my sciatica pain that used to flare often is now nonexistent. Continue reading →

When Sex Hurts There Is Hope

Sharing my journey to provide hope for others

Author Archives: Sarah