The difference is truly night and day from where I started, but I am still not normal. It takes effort and extra care, but a healthy sex life is possible. I continue to see my physical therapist once a month and do as much as I can on my own to keep my muscles healthy. Pain-free sex does not come easily. Even though I have found the right diagnoses and gone through years of treatment towards healing, sex can still cause much pain. This brings me to the last and most important piece to finding healing when sex hurts—a spouse that is loving, supportive, flexible, understanding, patient, and so many other things.
Unfortunately for me, this last piece was too broken to put back together. By our six year anniversary it became clear that the road to healing had been too long and too hard, and too damaging to our relationship. A period of hurt and heartache came next, ultimately ending in divorce.*
But there is hope…
I can honestly say that I am a transformed person. This has been quite a journey and I have learned so much throughout it. God has been with me every step of the way—seeing me through the struggles, the hopelessness, the heartache, and the healing. Although I can’t say I would ever choose to deal with the realities that come when sex hurts, I can see all of the good in my life because of it. My journey is not over and I know there is still more healing to come. But, I want to take this time now to share with all of you—lessons I have learned, experiences I have had, struggles I have overcome, and the amazing truth that when sex hurts there is hope!
*The psychological pain of a broken heart and a failed marriage is a completely different type of pain which also has far-reaching effects on every aspect of your life. Likewise, the healing process takes time and effort. I will share more in later posts about the importance of having a strong relationship with God, supportive friends and family, and a therapist you can trust.
Sarah- your story is inspiring and amazing! I am so glad we connected and thrilled to have you as a resource to share with the women I work with who are also struggling with sexual pain. Thank you!
Jessica Reale, PT, DPT, WCS
http://www.jessicarealept.com
Sarah, thanks for sharing your story. I really needed to hear that. I too have the same problem and I have felt very alone. Up until I turned 43, I was never able to have penetration because it was so painful. When I finally had penetration, it felt like rape. Which is really hard for my fiance to take. We are still together but I am concerned that after 3 years, he has had enough. I was always taught to wait till marriage for sex, but now I am concerned that as my body heads towards menopause and that i have never really had intimacy, that I may never be able to have it at all. This is very hard to share. But your story gives me hope. Thank You!
Thank you so much for your comment and for sharing some of your story. I can relate to penetration feeling like rape as I have shared those thoughts many times before. I can also relate to being taught to wait until marriage for sex, but no one ever told us it could be painful. But there is definitely hope! It takes time and effort but healing is possible, and you still have plenty of years to share sex and intimacy! If you are not yet plugged into a good doctor who is knowledgeable about sexual dysfunction, please let me know. You are not alone in this and you have plenty to be hopeful for. I look forward to that day in the future when you come back to this site and share your story of healing and pain-free sex!
Sarah,
Thank you for sharing your story. It is very similar to my own and gives me a lot of hope that I can get through this. I was feeling pretty discouraged and alone until I read your blog — thanks again for opening up on this sensitive subject.
Becky
Becky,
Thank you for your comment and I’m so glad my story has been able to give you hope! It is easy to feel alone and discouraged when facing such a difficult situation, especially when it seems no one can relate. I believe there are more of us out there than we realize and we are definitely not alone. I would like to encourage you to check out YatraYoni.com, another pelvic pain blogger, or connect with me on Twitter or even email (check out my Contact page).
Sarah