Alone

alone - when sex hurts there is hopeI don’t like to admit it, but there are some times when I wish I wasn’t alone. I occasionally have those moments when I wish things were a little different. Most of the time I don’t think about it, or when I do I can’t get past the fact that relationships are hard and, frankly, not always worth it. When I do long for someone to love me I don’t think about my previous relationships. That is not the love that I want. I want someone to love me for me—for who I truly am, for who God sees me as. I try to believe in my heart that it’s possible, that maybe one day someone will love me like that.

I can see how I’m healing. I can feel it. Continue reading

Relax and enjoy the journey

I feel like the recent message God has been communicating to me (in many forms) is all about stopping my worrying. First it was the song and the verse repeatedly coming to me about casting my cares on God. (Finding Favour’s “Cast My Cares” and 1 Peter 5:7, “Give all your worries and cares to God for he cares about you.”) That message continued for probably the past two weeks. But now it’s continuing in other forms. I was just praying a quick prayer driving home from work, asking God to show me how to let go and truly let Him have control of my life. I was feeling like yet another day passed that was out of balance and I was feeling unsure about whether I’m missing the point altogether. After I got home I decided to postpone getting ready for bed a little longer and read my devotional, Jesus Calling (amazing book by the way—I strongly recommend it!). The message I read today hit me as such a direct answer that I literally started laughing. I felt a moment of God’s presence washing over me with the realization of His answer to my practical question of how do I do this life His way.

For those of you who have the Jesus Calling devotional, the message was for February 26th. Here’s an excerpt: “I am leading you, step by step through your life. Hold My hand in trusting dependence, letting Me guide you through this day…When you try to figure out the future, you are grasping at things that are Mine…Whenever you find yourself worrying about the future, repent and return to Me. I will show you the next step forward…” The last sentence is what hit me the hardest, “Relax and enjoy the journey in My Presence, trusting me to open up the way before you as you go.” Relax—and enjoy the journey! Oh how little I stop and soak in the beauty of this journey. Continue reading

IPPS spells hope

I recently had the privilege of joining an amazing group of practitioners at the International Pelvic Pain Society’s 2015 Annual Meeting in San Diego. There is so much I want to share about the great information I heard and the remarkable people I met, but mostly I want to share about the hope that I was filled with. If you knew all that was being done to bring healing for chronic pelvic pain, you would be filled with hope too.

IPPS stands for the International Pelvic Pain Society (and #IPPS15 was the hashtag used during the conference if you want to catch some of the commentary that was posted on social media), but I’m going to use those same letters in my attempt to share some of why you should be encouraged to have this group of people fighting for your wellbeing.

I: Intelligent

Probably the first thing that struck me at the conference was the level of intelligence being represented. The presenters were astounding. I couldn’t count their degrees or the number of initials after their names (MD, PhD, DPT, and a bunch of others that I don’t know what they mean). As they discussed their research and other topics I was truly in awe. One example was experts in the neurological aspects of pain discussing how the brain interprets pain signals, including how chronic pain is processed very differently (even using different parts of the brain compared to acute pain).

IPPS - when sex hurts there is hopeAnd it was not just the speakers exhibiting this intelligence, but also the attendees. As I looked around the room I saw so many of the pelvic pain greats—people like Dr. Irwin Goldstein and Dr. Echenberg, physical therapists like Amy Stein and Stephanie Prendergast, just to name a few. At least half of the attendees were physical therapists, and they were joined by doctors, nurse practitioners, researchers (and one blogger I might add). Those participating in the sessions not only understood what was being presented, but also had their own experiences, theories, and proven methods. Continue reading

A day of gratitude

I love that we have a day set aside just for gratitude—for thanksgiving. It’s a great time of year to consider how far you’ve come and how full your life is. Sadly, we tend to view Thanksgiving more as the first day of the busy holiday season. Stores now open on Thanksgiving Day to start the Black Friday shopping rush. And what a consumer driven world we live in. Be honest with yourself for a moment. How much time do you spend thinking about what you do not have—what you want or maybe what someone else has? And how much time do you spend actually being grateful for what you do have? I’ve seen many articles about how gratitude is good for your health. It is sad to think that we do it so infrequently that we need to be reminded that it’s a healthy habit (like eating your vegetables or exercising). Gratitude should be more like breathing or laughing. It should be part of our everyday, part of our perspective in how we view the world around us, part of who we are. We are human beings after all, and we have so much to be grateful for.

Maybe try gratitude, at least for a day. Think about all of the people that you are thankful for—maybe even tell them that you are grateful to have them in your life. You might be surprised at how it makes you feel—like a deep breath of fresh air. Even if you’re in pain—especially if you’re in pain—take some time for gratitude. It might take gratitude - when sex hurts there is hopeyou longer to push past the negative thoughts. But clear away those dark clouds and you will find a bright sun shining down on you. What are you thankful for? Maybe it’s the smell of cinnamon and pumpkin in the air. Maybe it’s the changing leaves on the trees or the chill of a fall night. Maybe it’s your favorite blanket or an excuse to listen to Christmas carols. Or, maybe it’s the sense of pride and accomplishment of another year well-lived, the thought of new friendships formed and new dreams envisioned. Whatever it is that you are thankful for, show some gratitude. Most of all, show yourself some gratitude—you are more than worth it!

I am thankful for you—close friends who support me in reading this blog and far away friends whom I haven’t yet met. Perhaps you stumbled upon this blog looking for hope. You are who I write this for. You are part of my year well-lived and my new dreams envisioned. I am grateful for you!

See, that wasn’t so bad (it’s much easier than getting in your 10,000 steps). Now it’s your turn to practice being grateful. I would love to hear some of the things you are grateful for. Please post a comment (and you can use an alias if you prefer to remain anonymous). May you have a blessed and gratitude-ful Thanksgiving!

Healing Through Chronic Pain

Mary Ruth Velicki is a fellow pelvic pain sufferer with her own unique healing journey.  healing through chronic pain - when sex hurts there is hopeDetermined to find relief from intense, debilitating pelvic pain that plagued her for years, she tried a plethora of treatments from the Western, Eastern, and alternative sides of medicine. To her surprise, she underwent incredible healing that extended beyond her physical body to her full person and experienced many direct connections between her body, mind, and spirit. In Healing Through Chronic Pain, Mary Ruth recounts her five-year journey of “healing through the layers” and personal transformation. Along the way, she shares the treatment strategies she used and the support she received from a team of professionals to move past the pain and to heal her whole being.

I was initially drawn into Mary Ruth’s story because of its similarity to my own pain journey (we even share some of the same caregivers).  I’m amazed at the level of detail she recounts of her journey—she must have kept very good notes about her pain, treatments, and personal experiences throughout.  But what really deepened my interest was as she began explaining the part of her journey through Eastern medicine and alternative approaches to healing.  One of the unique traits that she brings is her background as a physical therapist.  This not only allows her to understand and explain her symptoms very specifically and anatomically, but also to approach these non-traditional healing methods with a skepticism that provides objective descriptions of her experiences.

In reading Healing Through Chronic Pain, Mary Ruth brought up concepts that I hadn’t necessarily considered yet made a lot of sense as I thought through my own pain journey.  The descriptions of her personal experiences are so complete that it opened up my own thinking to these aspects of healing.  Continue reading

My V Matters is Lube-a-licious

I want to share a recent interview from my favorite fellow pelvic pain blogger, Faith Cornwall, and her newly renamed website, My V Matters.* Faith is a V pain warrior. She has amassed a ton of information throughout her own healing journey and is committed to the cause of support and sisterhood of women with V pain. If there is ever a V pain protest march on the Whitehouse lawn, Faith would be leading the charge with a pink bullhorn and matching My V Matters picket sign (that’s a good idea…let’s plan it!). In the meantime Faith is spreading awareness, knowledge, and encouragement through her blog. I can’t help but be inspired by her, and I can’t get enough of her blog which brings me to her Lube-a-licious Interview with Sarah Mueller of Smitten Kitten.

My V Matters - when sex hurts there is hopeIf you struggle with painful sex you absolutely have to listen to this interview. If you deal with pelvic pain and use tools such as dilators or see a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist to treat your pain you have to listen to this interview. If you don’t have any pelvic or sexual pain issues you have to listen to this interview. Basically, everyone should listen to this interview! Sarah Mueller shares so much important information about personal lubricants that you never knew, no one ever told you, but you need to know! Check out the interview on MyVMatters.com here.

And don’t let the length deter you—the time is completely worth it! I absolutely recommend you listen to the full interview, but here are some key points to focus in on. Continue reading

Gratitude is harder than it looks

gratitude is hard - when sex hurts there is hopeI started this year with an intention of being more intentional about being grateful. But several months later I have to admit that gratitude is harder than it looks. Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty to be grateful for. God has continued to bless my life in amazing ways. It’s that “state of being” part that is a constant struggle for me. Continue reading