The difference is truly night and day from where I started, but I am still not normal. It takes effort and extra care, but a healthy sex life is possible. I continue to see my physical therapist once a month and do as much as I can on my own to keep my muscles healthy. Pain-free sex does not come easily. Even though I have found the right diagnoses and gone through years of treatment towards healing, sex can still cause much pain. This brings me to the last and most important piece to finding healing when sex hurts—a spouse that is loving, supportive, flexible, understanding, patient, and so many other things.
Unfortunately for me, this last piece was too broken to put back together. By our six year anniversary it became clear that the road to healing had been too long and too hard, and too damaging to our relationship. A period of hurt and heartache came next, ultimately ending in divorce.*
But there is hope…
I can honestly say that I am a transformed person. This has been quite a journey and I have learned so much throughout it. God has been with me every step of the way—seeing me through the struggles, the hopelessness, the heartache, and the healing. Although I can’t say I would ever choose to deal with the realities that come when sex hurts, I can see all of the good in my life because of it. My journey is not over and I know there is still more healing to come. But, I want to take this time now to share with all of you—lessons I have learned, experiences I have had, struggles I have overcome, and the amazing truth that when sex hurts there is hope!
*The psychological pain of a broken heart and a failed marriage is a completely different type of pain which also has far-reaching effects on every aspect of your life. Likewise, the healing process takes time and effort. I will share more in later posts about the importance of having a strong relationship with God, supportive friends and family, and a therapist you can trust.