This is who I am

I started this blog anonymously two years ago and have been very careful to avoid sharing personal information about who I am.  I set up separate email and social media accounts.  I didn’t create an “About Me” page or share any photos of myself.  I could say it was due paranoia about the internet, but really it was because I wasn’t ready to be honest with the world.  In truth I have been living two lives; hiding my pain issue from most people who know me.  I put as much effort into trying to appear normal as I do in actually preventing my pelvic pain.

But sharing on this blog has helped me heal—not so much in the physical sense, but rather healing from the psychological and emotional damage that painful sex has caused me.  Slowly I’ve started sharing my pain story with more friends.  It was difficult at first, awkward and uncomfortable, but it got easier with each new person I told.  No one I shared with ever reacted negatively.  In fact, my being so open with them seemed to deepen our relationship.  Often as I shared something so intimate with them, they would open up to me about something personal they had faced (sometimes even a similar pain issue).  And it was great to have them “in the know” about my pain.  I didn’t have to hide it or feel self-conscious about needing to stand or bringing my seat cushion.  Over time I found it sort of liberating to share this other part of me.  I started feeling like I was becoming more of who I am.

Late last year I felt God making it clear to me that I was ready to take the anonymous off of my blog.  Wanting to be sure, I went back and re-read some of my more intimate posts, asking myself the question of whether I was truly okay with the fact that people I work with could potentially read this.  I was surprised to find that I didn’t feel anxiety about this possibility, but instead I overwhelming felt a sense of pride in what this blog represents.  I have put a lot of effort into this blog and I am passionate about its message that when sex hurts there is hope!  And how can I expect this world to change in allowing us to be open about our sexual pain if I won’t even be honest about my own?

So this is who I am.  I am not the “have it all together,” “normal” or “no problems” person I like to portray.  I’m doing my best with what I’ve got, struggling along the way and only able to keep it together because I’m relying on God’s strength and not my own.  And I’m ready to be free.  I don’t want to keep hiding this other side of my life.  It’s still a great big scary world out there, but I am ready to be me—honest about who I am.

So here goes…

My namewho I am - when sex hurts there is hope is Sarah Holcomb, I am 33 years old and divorced.  I have lived in Southern California my whole life, grew up in a small town and now live in the suburbs (I guess that’s what you call it).  I work in “Corporate America” as a manager dealing with a lot of data and reports.  I am an introvert, but I’ve been known to speak my mind when I have an opinion about something.  I’m a consummate multitasker and have a Type A personality (or as one of my friends likes to say, I have an A+ personality!).  I have been on quite a journey, and I believe the best is yet to come.  I have shared a lot of intimate details on this blog, so as I tell every new friend I share with…read at your own risk!  You will end up knowing way more than you ever wanted to know about me.  But maybe that’s okay.  Maybe that is even how God intended it to be.

So there you go world, now you know who I am.  I look forward to getting to know you a lot better!

P.S. I love this song by Blanca and it is perfectly appropriate for this Who I Am post.

*This photo is a little outdated, but I promise to share an updated one soon.  And, no, we don’t have pretty fall colored trees in SoCal.  This was taken on a trip to Gettysburg.


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